Dexter in 60 Seconds

I always view a parody as a sign of respect so when I saw this, I didn’t take offense to my favorite show on television. I laughed, because, well it was funny. They really got the sister down well too. If your a fan of Dexter, you’ll understand and appreciate this. Take a look.

Dexter in 60 Seconds

-Z. Alps


5 Reasons Why ‘Shamless’ Should Be Cancelled

So I don’t know if any of you have been watching the new Showtime series, ‘Shameless,’ but I had some high hopes, and maybe I was wrong to hold the bar so high, but it seemed to have all the right ingredients. A big time actor, a rising star, and a compelling storyline. Plus nowadays, channels like HBO and Showtime don’t usually belt out stinkers. Well, I could be wrong, and you may disagree, but in my opinion, ‘Shameless’ is shameful. Here are 5 reasons why.

5) Wasting William H. Macy’s talent

Not many people realize but William H. Macy is one of the greatest actors of his era. He has done great movies from Boogie Nights to Fargo to Thank You For Smoking among many others. He was one of the reasons why I was so excited about this show. But for the few scenes Macy has been featured in so far, he’s been drunk, rude, and reckless. Kind of a waste when you have such a big time actor headlining your new show. Oh, well.

4) Too Many Characters

Wait, that’s the son? No that’s the boyfriend who is neighbors with the daughter who was the sister of the mother who plays William H. Macy’s crazy girlfriend who has a daughter who is blowing the son who is gay, and there is an Indian with a white wife who steals cars and then an old lady comes with the daughter who loves her and one of them is black. What?

3) Too unrealistic

To be blunt, the show is just to unrealistic. I know there are plenty of families that struggle, and whose fathers have alcohol problems but we are supposed to believe that this is what those families lives are like? I know it’s a TV show but c’mon, I’m not buying it.

2) Way Too Much Penis

To quote one of my favorite comedians, Louis CK, “I don’t like to see too much penis, and I have seen about 40. Wow. That’s a lot actually. I’m 40 years old. That’s 1 penis per year. That’s a lot.” Well, I’m 21 and I don’t know how many non-porn related penises I have seen, but for arguments sake I’ll guess 3? Don’t ask me why. But I have now seen about 3 just from Shameless. Going back to Mr. CK, that’s 1 an episode. So by the time this series is over I’ll have seen like 50 penises. No thanks.

1) And the #1 reason why Shameless should be cancelled…








The only way I’ll still watch this show is if it turns out the main plot points to the show happen to be how this guy dies, and they show it in intricate detail. And it’s a brutal death. I don’t know your real name, but whoever you are, fuck you.

-Z. Alps

Sir, We’re Going To Need You To Take Your Tie Off…

In a semi-related story, this ones’ just ridiculous. A man showed up to his job at a car dealership on Monday in Chicago to, well, do his job, sell cars. The only problem was, he was a Packers fan, in Chicago, and he was wearing the tie you see to the right. Well, guess what happened next? He was fired. Yes. He was fired.

I find this to be absurd. I am from New York, and have never been a huge fan of New York teams but I’m pretty sure when I get asked in an interview if I’m a Yankee fan and I say ‘no’, and the interviewer says, ‘Oh I can’t hire you then,’ that he’s joking. Right? Maybe not. John Stone was on Sports Center today being interviewed, and he seemed optimistic. He even had another job interview lined up for today. However, there have been talks of a wrongful termination suit being filed, and I think he should. I think the Bears fans are just bitter that they lost, and the man I just posted about (Cutler) is their quarterback. Better luck next year. Just be careful Bears fans. If you win next year, don’t wear your Bears bow ties to Green Bay.

-Z. Alps

To Cut or Not to Cut? That is the question…

I waited a couple days for the Jay Cutler knee injury pandemonium to die down before I gave my opinion. And that’s all this is. My opinion. In the end, it doesn’t matter what any of us think about Cutler’s early exit of Sunday’s game 21-14 loss to the Packers in the NFC Championship Game. We’re not part of the team. However, as I said before, we are all entitled to our own opinion. Mine is two-fold. I do not think Cutler should be facing the horrible backlash that he is for leaving the game. He did in fact have a Grade II MCL sprain, and seemed to be in a good amount of pain. Also, Coach Lovie Smith said it was actually his decision to pull Jay for the rest of the game and go with the two other quarterbacks who tried to lead a come back on Green Bay, which eventually failed. Whether we are supposed to believe that or not is irrelevant, Cutler still shouldn’t have faced as much controversy as he did.

And he certainly faced controversy from everyone other than Brian Urlacher and his coach, including fellow NFL players. Maurice Jones Drew, who later rescinded his comments, tweeted this…

Maurice Jones-Drew

@Jones_Drew32 Maurice Jones-Drew
Hey I think the urban meyer rule is effect right now… When the going gets tough……..QUIT..

MJD wasn’t the only one either. Lance Moore of the Saints, Anthony Armstrong of the Redskins, and many others all gave their 2 cents. My question is why? I have to agree with Brian Urlacher on this one. It’s none of their damn business. Maurice Jones Drew has as much of a right as I do to criticize Cutler, and I am not complimenting myself. I am insulting MJD because what is he doing? He’s sitting at home watching the game because his season is over, and his team did not make the playoffs. We do not know what Cutler was thinking, what people were saying to him, and how much pain he was in. We should mind our own business. But to quote Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld… “Having said that…..”

I still think Jay Cutler, pardon my french, is a “bitch.” Straight up. But the reason why I am not in uproar about this incident is simple. I am not surprised. This is not Tom Brady or Peyton Manning we are talking about. This isn’t even Eli Manning or Phillip Rivers. Cutler has never been a role model, a tough guy, or the ideal leader. He forced himself out of a good situation in Denver, and has had attitude problems his whole career. If it was Tom Brady or Manning, then I would understand the criticism. If you are Tom Brady, you gotta play. But guess what? Jay Cutler is not Tom Brady, and we don’t see the situation with Tom Brady because it would never happen to him. Cutler is Cutler and no one should be surprised. So, back off of him, but don’t pay any attention to him either. He’s not really worth it.

In a final note, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the doctor told Jay that it was just a Grade II sprain, and not a Grade III or tear. Why? Because I have a feeling Mr. Cutler was hoping for the worst so he could tell the world, “See! I told you so!” Oh well. We’ll see where Jay plays next year.

-Z. Alps

Hustle Hard

I wasn’t too crazy about this song when I heard the original version by Ace Hood, but that is probably because Ace Hood is not too Ace Good. But when you add The Best Rapper Alive and a slowly improving Ricky Ross to the remix, or as Wayne likes to call it, the ‘G-mix,’ it goes from mediocre to great. The beat goes hard and if you can survive the first minute and a half of Ace Hood yelling, this track is dank. Check it out.





Ace Hood feat. Rick Ross & Lil Wayne: Hustle Hard (remix)

-Z. Alps

Dear Mr. Policeman…

Cole had previously dropped this song as ‘Problems’ a few months ago but here is the official version with a chorus added by Bobby Ray. The original was fire as Cole goes in 3 times, and seems to out do himself each verse. B.o.B’s melodic voice makes it even hotter as Cole as usual speaks the truth.

“Dear, Mr. Policeman, am I wrong or ain’t you supposed to keep the peace man? I coulda sworn I was driving pretty peaceful. So what in the hell is you pulling of me fo?”

J. Cole feat. B.o.B: Pass Me By

-Z. Alps


So we all knew Gucci Mane was already crazy but this latest tattoo I’ve seen on him makes him even crazier. We’ve seen Mike Tyson do it among others, but this one is wild. I love Gucci but seriously, what was he thinking?









-Z. Alps








Conference Championship Predictions

I missed predictions last week, sorry for that. If I had posted predictions, I would have had the Pats beating the Jets, the Steelers beating the Ravens, the Bears beating the Seahawks, and the Falcons beating the Packers, so I would have went 2-2. But it’s a new week, and there are two big games to look forward to. So here we go with whitew00d’s NFL Conference Championship game predictions.



New York Jets vs. Pittsburgh Steelers: Sunday, January 23rd, 2011: 6:30 PM




The Jets shocked the world by defeating the Patriots of New England last week, making New Yorkers walking on the clouds and the New Englanders digging themselves holes in the ground. Well The Jets outplayed New England. Tom Brady made mistakes, and the Jets were the one that forced those mistakes. They picked Brady for the first time in over 300 pass attempts, and they shut down an offense that was consistently putting up 35 points a game. So its hard to believe that anyone can beat the Jets. Rex Ryan is the hottest coach in the league right now, Sanchez is doing enough to not blow the games for the Jets, and Gang Green’s defense is playing better than any defensive core in the league right now. Even Shonn Greene is starting to come alive. The Steelers are the Steelers though. They have Big Ben, and if anyone in the league is more intimidating defensively than the man that runs Revis Island, it’s Troy Polamalu. I really believe that the two teams are equal, and that both D’s are going to show up big time. In normal times, I would give the Steelers the nod because they have more experience, but that doesn’t seem to matter for the Jets this year. It seems to be their destiny at this point, and they learned a lot from last year’s Conference Championship loss to the Colts. I like the Jets to ‘steel’ this one.

Final Score: NY Jets 16 Steelers 10


Green Bay Packers vs. Chicago Bears: Sunday, January 23rd, 2011: 3:00 PM




The NFC matchup pits two division rivals against each other in a rematch of Week’s 3 and 17 in which the two teams split. The most recent one went to the Packers who defeated Chicago 10-3 in Week 17 to clinch a playoff spot. The Bears didn’t sit any starters in that one either. The Packers just shut them down. And the Packers have been shutting everybody down. Green Bay, a team usually known for their high octane offense led by Aaron Rodgers, who has thrown more TD passes in a 3 game playoff span than anybody to date, and big time WR Greg Jennings, are now starting to be recognized for their D. Clay Matthews is the man to thank. Along with Hawk, Raji, and last year’s Defensive Player of the Year, cornerback, Charles Woodson who would be the leagues best corner if it wasn’t for Darrelle, are playing lights out, and taking out QB’s left and right. And lefties and righties. Chicago on the other hand has been quietly flying under the radar as one of the best teams in the league. Cutler is making less and less mistakes, and the addition of Julius Peppers has made their defense stellar once again. And Brian Urlacher is back. It’s going to be a battle in the cold Windy City, but with the Packers putting up 48 on a 14 win team, taking out Mike Vick, and having just beat a healthy Chicago team, I like the Cheeseheads to walk away with the big cheese.

Final Score: Packers 31 Bears 21

So will I be right? Will both road teams pull out the win? We shall see. But right now, I’m thinking a Jets Packers Super Bowl, and that would be a good one.

-Z. Alps