There’s no comin’ back, well maybe there is

So I made this blog about a year ago, and it was going well, and then I stopped. Much like many things in my life, I got bored with it and moved onto something else. I’m fickle. As Peter Griffin would say after losing his parrot, “Is this the deed to a cattle ranch?” Only true Family Guy fanatics even know what I’m talking about but the point is, I usually put my mind on one thing, get really excited, and then get sick of it. So why come back to this? Not to sound egotistic but I’m actually a good writer. And maybe that’s my thing. I’m too short to play basketball, I’m too white to rap, and I can’t cook. I’m trying to learn how to skateboard but remember, I’m fickle. Well anyway, I’m trying to find my passion so forgive me if I bring you readers along with me. Hell, I don’t even know if anybody’s reading this. But I’m gonna go on anyway.

So the past year a lot of crazy things have happened in the world. Luckily, this isn’t Facebook, and this site shutting down doesn’t put the world in a uproar, but I’m back so welcome back or welcome for the first time. Here is my 2011 Year in Review.

Sports-

I was wrong on my Super Bowl prediction, and Aaron Rodgers took over the NFL (until the Giants showed up), Ryan Braun let down the Jews, the Braves collapsed, the Red Sox got drunk, the Cardinals won the World Series. Wait, what? Albert Pujols went to Hollywood, the Mets were bad, the Yankees were good, not good enough, Derek Jeter sent his women home with a souvenir,  the lockout ended in the NFL, the lockout went on in the NBA, then the lockout ended in the NBA. David Stern vetoed the CP3 trade making him the most hated man on the planet, CP3 went to ‘lob city b*tch.’ The Heat came up short and Lebron disappeared in the 4th, and The Penn State scandal shocked the world.

This man got some exposure as well.

 

 

 

TV- The Kardashians took over the world, Gus’ face came off in Breaking Bad, zombies walked the earth in creative fashion, 2 good shows were cancelled on HBO, and one god-awful one in my opinion. I’ll make it in America on my own thank you very much. Dexter got into the whole incest thing, Family Guy’s still funny, and really really high defined. And Simon Cowell proved he can make an even better show than American Idol.

Movies-

The Harry Potter era came to an end. Brad Pitt and Sean Penn took us back in time in what seemed like a movie that lasted an entire life span. Owen Wilson earned his right as a top actor with ‘Midnight in Paris,’ one of my favorite movies of 2011. Jonah Hill’s skinny, George Clooney’s back, and oh yeah Ryan Gosling is the man.

 

 

 

 

Music- Drake was somber and faded. Chris Brown and Justin Bieber decided they could rap. The Carter IV was bad. ‘Swag’ ‘Racks’ and ‘Kray’ became every day words. Adele was depressed. Astro shouted out his Astronauts, Josh can sing, Beyonce got preggos, and the days of good music are slowly dying.

 

 

 

 

Everything else- 2011 proved to me that the world can be a very F’d up place but there’s always hope and there’s always something to find. Just gotta keep looking. I got cliches on cliches on cliches. Hello 2012. Hopefully the world doesn’t end.

Z. Alps

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Super Bowl XLV Prediction

It’s been a long, crazy, concussion-filled, criminal comeback, dramatic, and tumultuous season. But it finally comes down to the last game. The Super Bowl, where we see two very different, but similar teams. The Steelers have tons of experience, a former Super Bowl MVP winning QB, and have gone through some tough teams in the Ravens and Jets to get here. The Packers have taken a less harsh road going through a weaker NFC, and don’t have the experience like Pittsburgh. Only 2 members of the Packers have even been to a Super Bowl. Charles Woodson with the Oakland Raiders, who lost, and John Kuhn is the only guy on the Packers with a ring. He got it for being on the practice squad of the Steelers a couple years ago. But both teams have very complete rosters. They are the #1 and #2 scoring defenses in the NFL, and they both have offenses that could explode, led by Pro Bowl quarterbacks. The last time they met the final score was 37-36, so the stats could be out the window here . It’s gonna be a close, hard fought game, but the question is, who is going to walk away with the trophy?

Super Bowl XLV: Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Green Bay Packers: Sunday, February 6th, 2011 6:30 PM

 

 

 

 

To find the winner of this game, or really of any Super Bowl, is to find the one thing that separates the two squads who clearly have enough of the tools and weapons to get to the big game. So let’s try and find it.

Quarterback. Yes, Big Ben has 2 rings, and if the Steelers win on Sunday, Roth will have the most rings among quarterbacks in the history of the NFL, tied with Tom Brady of course, and he continues to prove why he is going to be one of the best ever. But if there was any player in the league that that doesn’t seem to matter against, it’s Aaron Rodgers. Not saying Rodgers is better, but their equal if anything.

The Defense. As good as the Steelers defense is led by The Defensive Player of the Year, Troy Polamalu, the Pack D is just as good, led by the runner up, Clay Matthews. Both hair flowing tacklers will do their job. The Steelers secondary is weak, but we don’t really notice because of Troy. James Harrison firms up the front 7, but the Packers make up for that with Charles Woodson, last year’s DPOY. So defense seems to be pretty equal.

The wideouts are good, the running game is solid, even though I do give Mendenhall the edge over any GB back, but overall this teams are so equal. So what separates them? The experience of the Steelers. The coaching of Mike Tomlin, and the fact that if you watch any of these games, it just seems that the Steelers are the best team stepping on any football field right now. They beat a Jets team that seemed destine to win. They took out the Ravens, their rival once again, and they won both games looking real good. The Packers beat weaker NFC opponents, and a third string quarterback. I love the Pack, and I’m rooting for the green and yellow, but I think the Steelers are going to win their 3rd Super Bowl in 7 years.

Final Score: Steelers 26 Packers 21

The better question is, what will be the best commercial? I’m saying The E*Trade Baby

-Z. Alps

Cheesy F. Baby

Who knew Wayne was into the Pack this year? If you listen to 30 seconds of any Wayne song, you know where he hails from. The hometown of last year’s Super Bowl champs, the Saints. He’s from Nawlins. But the Saints are out. And when your favorite team is out, it’s time to find another for the time being. And Wayne found the Packers. He’s temporarily a ‘Cheese Head.’ Wiz Khalifa is repping his city with the ‘Black & Yellow,’ and Weezy’s striking back with ‘Green & Yellow.’ You know what it is……

Lil Wayne: Green & Yellow

-Z. Alps

99 Women That Should Be On Your Laminated ‘top 5 celebrity list’

Askmen.com has released their annual ’99 Most Desirable Women’ for 2011. I’m glad someone is finally agreeing with me (Mila Kunis came in at No.2) but she is definitely not the only hottie on this list. It includes many beautiful women, including a star of Mad Men, Oscar nominees, musicians, and number 1 goes to a young, rising star. Check out the list.

Ask Men.com\’s 99 Most Desirable Women of 2011

5. Miranda Kerr

4. Selita Ebanks

3. Sofia Vergara

2. Mila Kunis

1. Blake Lively

-Z. Alps

Andy Samberg goes ‘Creepin’ with the help of Nicki Minaj

I don’t know how many people still watch Saturday Night Live. I haven’t heard too many people talking about it, and I know the older casts have created more buzz from the times of John Belushi, to Mike Myers, to Chris Farley and Adam Sandler, to Will Ferrell, among others. But, this cast is secretly hilarious. From the great impressions of Jay Pharoah and Fred Armistad, to the funniest woman on television in Kristen Wiig, the show, most of the time, is a must see. Another reason is because of the Caucasian rap style that Andy Samberg has mastered with his creative ideas and clever writing. This is another great one from last Saturday’s episode hosted by Jessie Eisenberg. It’s featuring the musical guest, Nicki Minaj. Check it out, and learn how to creep.

 

 

 

 

The Lonely Island feat. Nicki Minaj: The Creeper Song

-Z. Alps

5 Reasons Why ‘Shamless’ Should Be Cancelled

So I don’t know if any of you have been watching the new Showtime series, ‘Shameless,’ but I had some high hopes, and maybe I was wrong to hold the bar so high, but it seemed to have all the right ingredients. A big time actor, a rising star, and a compelling storyline. Plus nowadays, channels like HBO and Showtime don’t usually belt out stinkers. Well, I could be wrong, and you may disagree, but in my opinion, ‘Shameless’ is shameful. Here are 5 reasons why.

5) Wasting William H. Macy’s talent

Not many people realize but William H. Macy is one of the greatest actors of his era. He has done great movies from Boogie Nights to Fargo to Thank You For Smoking among many others. He was one of the reasons why I was so excited about this show. But for the few scenes Macy has been featured in so far, he’s been drunk, rude, and reckless. Kind of a waste when you have such a big time actor headlining your new show. Oh, well.

4) Too Many Characters

Wait, that’s the son? No that’s the boyfriend who is neighbors with the daughter who was the sister of the mother who plays William H. Macy’s crazy girlfriend who has a daughter who is blowing the son who is gay, and there is an Indian with a white wife who steals cars and then an old lady comes with the daughter who loves her and one of them is black. What?

3) Too unrealistic

To be blunt, the show is just to unrealistic. I know there are plenty of families that struggle, and whose fathers have alcohol problems but we are supposed to believe that this is what those families lives are like? I know it’s a TV show but c’mon, I’m not buying it.

2) Way Too Much Penis

To quote one of my favorite comedians, Louis CK, “I don’t like to see too much penis, and I have seen about 40. Wow. That’s a lot actually. I’m 40 years old. That’s 1 penis per year. That’s a lot.” Well, I’m 21 and I don’t know how many non-porn related penises I have seen, but for arguments sake I’ll guess 3? Don’t ask me why. But I have now seen about 3 just from Shameless. Going back to Mr. CK, that’s 1 an episode. So by the time this series is over I’ll have seen like 50 penises. No thanks.

1) And the #1 reason why Shameless should be cancelled…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The only way I’ll still watch this show is if it turns out the main plot points to the show happen to be how this guy dies, and they show it in intricate detail. And it’s a brutal death. I don’t know your real name, but whoever you are, fuck you.

-Z. Alps

Sir, We’re Going To Need You To Take Your Tie Off…

In a semi-related story, this ones’ just ridiculous. A man showed up to his job at a car dealership on Monday in Chicago to, well, do his job, sell cars. The only problem was, he was a Packers fan, in Chicago, and he was wearing the tie you see to the right. Well, guess what happened next? He was fired. Yes. He was fired.

I find this to be absurd. I am from New York, and have never been a huge fan of New York teams but I’m pretty sure when I get asked in an interview if I’m a Yankee fan and I say ‘no’, and the interviewer says, ‘Oh I can’t hire you then,’ that he’s joking. Right? Maybe not. John Stone was on Sports Center today being interviewed, and he seemed optimistic. He even had another job interview lined up for today. However, there have been talks of a wrongful termination suit being filed, and I think he should. I think the Bears fans are just bitter that they lost, and the man I just posted about (Cutler) is their quarterback. Better luck next year. Just be careful Bears fans. If you win next year, don’t wear your Bears bow ties to Green Bay.

-Z. Alps

To Cut or Not to Cut? That is the question…

I waited a couple days for the Jay Cutler knee injury pandemonium to die down before I gave my opinion. And that’s all this is. My opinion. In the end, it doesn’t matter what any of us think about Cutler’s early exit of Sunday’s game 21-14 loss to the Packers in the NFC Championship Game. We’re not part of the team. However, as I said before, we are all entitled to our own opinion. Mine is two-fold. I do not think Cutler should be facing the horrible backlash that he is for leaving the game. He did in fact have a Grade II MCL sprain, and seemed to be in a good amount of pain. Also, Coach Lovie Smith said it was actually his decision to pull Jay for the rest of the game and go with the two other quarterbacks who tried to lead a come back on Green Bay, which eventually failed. Whether we are supposed to believe that or not is irrelevant, Cutler still shouldn’t have faced as much controversy as he did.

And he certainly faced controversy from everyone other than Brian Urlacher and his coach, including fellow NFL players. Maurice Jones Drew, who later rescinded his comments, tweeted this…

Maurice Jones-Drew

@Jones_Drew32 Maurice Jones-Drew
Hey I think the urban meyer rule is effect right now… When the going gets tough……..QUIT..

MJD wasn’t the only one either. Lance Moore of the Saints, Anthony Armstrong of the Redskins, and many others all gave their 2 cents. My question is why? I have to agree with Brian Urlacher on this one. It’s none of their damn business. Maurice Jones Drew has as much of a right as I do to criticize Cutler, and I am not complimenting myself. I am insulting MJD because what is he doing? He’s sitting at home watching the game because his season is over, and his team did not make the playoffs. We do not know what Cutler was thinking, what people were saying to him, and how much pain he was in. We should mind our own business. But to quote Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld… “Having said that…..”

I still think Jay Cutler, pardon my french, is a “bitch.” Straight up. But the reason why I am not in uproar about this incident is simple. I am not surprised. This is not Tom Brady or Peyton Manning we are talking about. This isn’t even Eli Manning or Phillip Rivers. Cutler has never been a role model, a tough guy, or the ideal leader. He forced himself out of a good situation in Denver, and has had attitude problems his whole career. If it was Tom Brady or Manning, then I would understand the criticism. If you are Tom Brady, you gotta play. But guess what? Jay Cutler is not Tom Brady, and we don’t see the situation with Tom Brady because it would never happen to him. Cutler is Cutler and no one should be surprised. So, back off of him, but don’t pay any attention to him either. He’s not really worth it.

In a final note, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the doctor told Jay that it was just a Grade II sprain, and not a Grade III or tear. Why? Because I have a feeling Mr. Cutler was hoping for the worst so he could tell the world, “See! I told you so!” Oh well. We’ll see where Jay plays next year.

-Z. Alps

Hustle Hard

I wasn’t too crazy about this song when I heard the original version by Ace Hood, but that is probably because Ace Hood is not too Ace Good. But when you add The Best Rapper Alive and a slowly improving Ricky Ross to the remix, or as Wayne likes to call it, the ‘G-mix,’ it goes from mediocre to great. The beat goes hard and if you can survive the first minute and a half of Ace Hood yelling, this track is dank. Check it out.


 

 

 

 

Ace Hood feat. Rick Ross & Lil Wayne: Hustle Hard (remix)

-Z. Alps